While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize