Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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