I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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