sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just googled if crying burns calories
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
