Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
