see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
