dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
