ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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