Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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