U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
