I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize