I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
