were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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