my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
