just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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