The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
