Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
