i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
