I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
