she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
