yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
