Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
