i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
