At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize