Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
