i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
