I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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