oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
