did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
