ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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