I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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