Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
