he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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