Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
