Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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