is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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