He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
