I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
