Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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