my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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