remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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