My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
