Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
