I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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