i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
