i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
