Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
