Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize