Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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