Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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