dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
