every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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