Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I want to make a zoo with you.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
