Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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