Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
