Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
