I hate your face
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
