I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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