You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
