You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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