you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
