The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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