Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
