I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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