We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
