What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
