I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
